Yishun St 11, Blk 144 (part 1)

This flat that we stayed in, was a 4 storey walk-up apartment. And we stayed at the 4th floor.

I was going to Primary 4 when I shifted there. So mum transferred me out from San Shan Primary, to Jie Ming Primary.


As you can see, it's quite a distance to walk for a 10 year old. Mum occasionally brings me to school, but most of the time I was alone. Even though I am already 10 years old, i still had separation anxiety and cried a few times during my first two weeks at the new school..

Yes, I am a baby, i know that.. moving on....

I am thankful to God for a really kind, nice and firm teacher Mr Alan Tham. He maintained close contact with my mum, keeping track of my progress. I guess he was rather a people's person. I enjoyed class.

My Chinese teacher was really kind too. I recalled we had to write a short paragraph about my family's trip to ____. And i really could not write. When my teacher asked why, I told her about Dad not at home, and Mum working. I could immediately see her face turning sad, and she told me to write where we would like to go instead. I wrote about going to the zoo because i was super crazy about animals.

At about this time, I reached puberty. I was in line to buy a drink, and there was this teacher, Mdm Lim (my form teacher for the next two years) noticed me, and asked how old I was. When I told her, she was a bit shocked, but told me to get a bra because some part was blooming..

To be honest, I didn't know what I was going through. I went home to tell my mum, and she realised it was time. She was really happy and brought me out to buy a bra.

Oh, how i dreaded wearing a bra! But mum insisted I'm a big girl now, i have to wear that to protect myself.. Still cannot figure out protection from what then...

Sex education was only for Primary 5, so at that time, I was really clueless about what's going on.

Had my first period, and the next morning, after the first day, I came out of the toilet and my mum asked if i changed my you-know-what. And i said, huh, still have to put?? And of course, mum laughed her head off, i didn't know that menses last a few days.. Anyway, that was that. I was sprouting both ways, vertically and horizontally.. Mostly horizontally, and yes, I was still in Trim and Fit club..

Dad started visiting again, and brought me out because apparently, I am the most gullible. When Dad asked me what he could get me at a bookshop, i pointed out an accoustic guitar.. Of course i didnt know what it was then.. When he bought it for me, he sat me down for a while, and tried "talking" sense to me. What he didn't realise, was that I was already deeply focused on the guitar, plucking the strings, trying to figure out notes for my favourite song.

After our talking session, i was sent home. Suddenly, all the bad memories seemed to be erased away, and i asked mum why couldn't Dad come home.. And of course, mum gave me a harsh lecture and asked me to go sleep.

Days went by, mum and dad started "dating" again, going for supper, i usually tagged along. Deemed to be the traitor, according to my sisters, because I gave it so easily. Heh..

One day, i cannot remember why, but mum made me really angry. And being spiteful (probably coz i was going through puberty), i claimed loudly that i wanted to move in with Dad at his sister's house. Mum, being relentless, invited me to go ahead and pack. Never did i realise, that was never an invitation..

So i tried packing, some clothes, underwear, and I even had the audacity to ask my mum what i should pack. That set the bomb off.

She started canning me with a plastic hanger, which broke. Then she took a steel hanger and continued... At the same time, she started giving me revision of what happened to her and Dad.. as she was canning me, i retreated into our bed room. And next to my bed, was that guitar.

Filled with wrath, mum stormed into the kitchen, and fetched her favourite weapon and started chopping my guitar up. She was totally furious with the "bribe" Dad bought my heart over with. Like some dramatic Korean drama, i stretched my hands out, wailing away as I watched my mum chopped my precious guitar into pieces.

After the whole episode, mum made me picked up the pieces and grounded me to my room.. I cried myself to sleep. I slept till about dinner time, and woke up in the dark, with our study room lights on.

I crept into the room. Mum was flipping files, looking through documents. I sat beside her quietly.

As if on cue, she started showing me the divorce papers, and stated that my dad didnt want me from the start.. She sounded heart broken and sad. I apologized and cried again. She hugged me, with tears in her eyes, telling me not to do it again.

Rachel is here.. Gonna spend time with her now.. Gonna update more..

Growing up (@ Toa Payoh Lor 1 blk 202) pt 3

Since I left off talking about school, school shall be my topic then.

All i can think about was play.. Half the time, no, in fact, most of the time, I can hardly focus during lessons. Back in my time, teachers were allowed to punish children by caning, pulling of ears, pinching, etc. I think of all the girls in my class, I was the only one who had gotten all of the above..

I remembered my teacher put up a drawing of mine on the board, and I happily proclaimed to my mum and dad, i think their reaction was like, ok, good. I was really happy because art and crafts were never my game, and having my picture being put up was like earning a medal of honour.

My favourite subject is music and movement. I remembered always being chosen to perform on stage, be it dancing, reciting poems, or singing. And I was always so looking forward to chances like that.

Never recalled being gentle, I was more like a gangster. I would protect my friends from the naughty boys in class. I remembered one incident, where we were in the school hall, having gym. One of the really naughty boys bullied my best friend and she came to me crying. So i went up to him, and demanded an apology. When he refused and tried to bully me as well, i kicked him at his, erm, you-know-where.. That sent him howling in pain and rolling on the floor, with me laughing my head off. Well, both of us were sent back to class, and faced my teacher with the cane. The funny thing was, many many years later, this year in fact, i found him on facebook. Haha, i dared not ask if he still remembered what happen..

I always had a weak stomach, and bad head. What i really meant was, i constantly had diarrhoea and headaches. Panadols were my best friend since young. so i realised after some time, that whenever i had diarrhoea or headache, i get to stay at home. So i ended up faking sick half the time.

Before you start to shake your head at my behaviour, i had other reasons for doing so!!

Mum was always working late, the only times I got to see her was when I woke up, and she's sleeping beside me. Sometimes, i don't even get to see her, because she came home late, and left for work early. So whenever I fake being sick, mum would stay at home and take care of me.
I seen how tired she was, and i really wished i was an adult so i could work and earn big bucks and let her be comfortable.

So one very fine day (during Primary 3), one of the days where I feigned ill, i decided to tell her my big plans. She was taking a nap, while I was trying to do my math homework. I crept to her side and woke her up saying,

"Mama, I think i dont want to study anymore."

She stared at me blankly.. *blink blink*

"What did you say?"

"I think I dont want to study anymore..."

within seconds, she disappeared from my sight. There were dead silence in the house. I started to crawl, i do mean literally, out of the room. Nope.. not in the study room, not in the living room, not with my earth god.. I crawled and crawled till i reached the kitchen. To my horror, she stood there, arms akimbo, with one hand holding a chopper.

I screamed, and started running away. Well, i don't think i was very bright then, i ran in circles, and bumped into mum, allowing her to catch me. Her eyes were like fiery daggers, burning through my sockets, and her voice like thunder, blasting my ear drums.

"YOU DONT WANT TO STUDY HUH? Give me your hands! GIVE ME YOUR HANDS! I CHOPPED THEM OFF SO YOU NO NEED TO WRITE LA!"

"no no no no non o mummy sorry sorry no nonono"

"THEN YOUR LEG LA (*grabs leg*) CHOPPED YOUR LEGS NO NEED TO GO SCHOOL!!"

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! sorry mummy (*tries to squirm away) sorry sorry sorry!!!"

*mum grabbed head* "THEN YOUR BRAIN LA!! THEN NO NEED TO THINK LOR!!"

"WWWWWWWHHHHEEEEAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" me wailed loudly..

well, that was pretty much our conversations that day. I did get my caning, on my legs, bottoms, serve my time out again with the earth god, one super large incense.

My aunt came over later at night, gave more canning.. Made me swore in front of the Goddess of mercy not to be slack in my studies, or else... Which i really cannot remember what. My aunt said later that night, she dreamed Grandma scolded her for making me swore..

Choppers seemed to appear a lot of times during my stay at Toa Payoh.. Once, my sisters were smoking, and they locked the room door, as well as the front door. My dad tried to open the front door to get into the house, but couldn't, so he knocked furiously. i was sent to open the door, and immediately i was interrogated.

All i remembered was standing at the door, staring at my dad as he stormed into the kitchen, fetched the famous chopper, and went to my sisters' room demanding them to open the room.

After that, i dont know how things were settled. I knew my sis called my aunty Sharon, she flew over, at the same time called the police and Dad was chased away again.

We were young and naive, could have hurt Dad a great deal with the things we did. Dad was always a meanie to mum and not helping out with the family. But mum still stood by Dad this time because she knew whose fault it was this time round.

Sorry Daddy..

After this, we moved to Yishun Street 11, Blk 144.. Another period of my life..