Yishun St 11, Blk 144 (part 1)

This flat that we stayed in, was a 4 storey walk-up apartment. And we stayed at the 4th floor.

I was going to Primary 4 when I shifted there. So mum transferred me out from San Shan Primary, to Jie Ming Primary.


As you can see, it's quite a distance to walk for a 10 year old. Mum occasionally brings me to school, but most of the time I was alone. Even though I am already 10 years old, i still had separation anxiety and cried a few times during my first two weeks at the new school..

Yes, I am a baby, i know that.. moving on....

I am thankful to God for a really kind, nice and firm teacher Mr Alan Tham. He maintained close contact with my mum, keeping track of my progress. I guess he was rather a people's person. I enjoyed class.

My Chinese teacher was really kind too. I recalled we had to write a short paragraph about my family's trip to ____. And i really could not write. When my teacher asked why, I told her about Dad not at home, and Mum working. I could immediately see her face turning sad, and she told me to write where we would like to go instead. I wrote about going to the zoo because i was super crazy about animals.

At about this time, I reached puberty. I was in line to buy a drink, and there was this teacher, Mdm Lim (my form teacher for the next two years) noticed me, and asked how old I was. When I told her, she was a bit shocked, but told me to get a bra because some part was blooming..

To be honest, I didn't know what I was going through. I went home to tell my mum, and she realised it was time. She was really happy and brought me out to buy a bra.

Oh, how i dreaded wearing a bra! But mum insisted I'm a big girl now, i have to wear that to protect myself.. Still cannot figure out protection from what then...

Sex education was only for Primary 5, so at that time, I was really clueless about what's going on.

Had my first period, and the next morning, after the first day, I came out of the toilet and my mum asked if i changed my you-know-what. And i said, huh, still have to put?? And of course, mum laughed her head off, i didn't know that menses last a few days.. Anyway, that was that. I was sprouting both ways, vertically and horizontally.. Mostly horizontally, and yes, I was still in Trim and Fit club..

Dad started visiting again, and brought me out because apparently, I am the most gullible. When Dad asked me what he could get me at a bookshop, i pointed out an accoustic guitar.. Of course i didnt know what it was then.. When he bought it for me, he sat me down for a while, and tried "talking" sense to me. What he didn't realise, was that I was already deeply focused on the guitar, plucking the strings, trying to figure out notes for my favourite song.

After our talking session, i was sent home. Suddenly, all the bad memories seemed to be erased away, and i asked mum why couldn't Dad come home.. And of course, mum gave me a harsh lecture and asked me to go sleep.

Days went by, mum and dad started "dating" again, going for supper, i usually tagged along. Deemed to be the traitor, according to my sisters, because I gave it so easily. Heh..

One day, i cannot remember why, but mum made me really angry. And being spiteful (probably coz i was going through puberty), i claimed loudly that i wanted to move in with Dad at his sister's house. Mum, being relentless, invited me to go ahead and pack. Never did i realise, that was never an invitation..

So i tried packing, some clothes, underwear, and I even had the audacity to ask my mum what i should pack. That set the bomb off.

She started canning me with a plastic hanger, which broke. Then she took a steel hanger and continued... At the same time, she started giving me revision of what happened to her and Dad.. as she was canning me, i retreated into our bed room. And next to my bed, was that guitar.

Filled with wrath, mum stormed into the kitchen, and fetched her favourite weapon and started chopping my guitar up. She was totally furious with the "bribe" Dad bought my heart over with. Like some dramatic Korean drama, i stretched my hands out, wailing away as I watched my mum chopped my precious guitar into pieces.

After the whole episode, mum made me picked up the pieces and grounded me to my room.. I cried myself to sleep. I slept till about dinner time, and woke up in the dark, with our study room lights on.

I crept into the room. Mum was flipping files, looking through documents. I sat beside her quietly.

As if on cue, she started showing me the divorce papers, and stated that my dad didnt want me from the start.. She sounded heart broken and sad. I apologized and cried again. She hugged me, with tears in her eyes, telling me not to do it again.

Rachel is here.. Gonna spend time with her now.. Gonna update more..